How To: Deal With Negative Comments

January 16, 2018

Oh mummies, why do we do this? Open up your ears and prepare yourselves for some serious talk. Please take these words wholeheartedly ladies, commenting negatively to other mums will never make you a better mother yourself, ever. This only gives you momentary satisfaction, mostly covering up your own insecurities. Welcome to my biggest pet peeve ladies. Grown women, the mothers of our next generations, being bullies. The same women who are responsible for raising our future, our children's friends and colleagues.  This is a topic that seriously needs to be addressed, so here goes my two cents. 

 

Unwanted commentary isn't "helping out" or "giving advice", its just bluntly rude. I really wish this wasn't a thing, its deeply saddening. Unfortunately, this is one of the first things I had to get accustomed to becoming a new mum. I had to learn how to receive negative commentary about me and my baby, while maintaining a positive outlook and comeback. I don't believe in inflicting negativity back on others; no one "deserves it". It makes you just as faulty and bitter. In my eyes, they don't know any better, but definitely need to get educated. If anything, I feel bad for mothers who feel the need to do this; but mostly I feel bad for the kids they're raising.

 

Mind you, these mothers they are inflicting negativity upon, by saying negative comments to, live every second doing their very best to make sure their children are the best they can be. We're all fighting our own battles. These mothers had to leave behind their jobs, hobbies, outings, freedom, old-bodies along with so much more; just to be there for their children. The true meaning of sacrifice. All us mothers very well know, we already feel guilty with no real reason. If anything, we should be supporting each other and lifting each other up, not adding to the guilt. Who better understands a mother than a mother just like her? No one. It's really mind-boggling how it's possible for a mother to feel this negative urge towards another knowing the battles she goes through everyday. To this day, I just don't understand it.  

 

Letting a mother know her child isn't as beautiful as her, or as smart, is a commentary to achieve what exactly? This one gets to me the most. Its like, 'wait, let me make a quick phone-call to the universe and ask why my child looks this way and not the other'. What answer are you looking for in response? Its a true mystery, the need to comment negatively on a child's looks, on a child period. Trust me mummies, from the outside looking in, you make yourself look much worse than the mother you're trying to bring down. I also just can't wrap my head around pointing out a child's slow learning process. Not walking yet, eating, talking... who has it in their hearts to judge a childs mentality that way? Theres really nothing worse. Actually wait, there's one thing that is actually worse...

 

I have witnessed not only these comments being said to mothers alone, but said in front of their children too. Children who can fully understand and process what is being said about them. Grown mothers bullying kids less than half their size. I know cases of people who have held these comments so close to their hearts that they grew up believing and hating themselves because of them. Over one silly comment a grown mother made to feel seconds of fake satisfaction while in return ruining a child's mentality. The words you speak are so powerful, they can fly someone to the moon or drive them straight to the ground. 

 

We then wonder why our children are being bullied at school and why our children are bullying others. "Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it. Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University. A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying. According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying." This is very serious, and not a matter to be taken lightly. This kind of behavior literally ruins lives. Its a killing machine in disguise.

 

We need to take very good care of what harm we might inflict on others. One spontaneous comment can literally end someone else's life. When children grow up witnessing their parents bully other parents, they will automatically pick it up. Making them become bullies themselves. Constantly commenting negatively on other mothers parenting skills, when clearly no one has got it all figured out, is something we need to just stop doing. Not all children are raised the same, or react the same to certain things. Our own children can be siblings, but react, grow and learn differently. Therefore, to each their own; live and let live, mummies. Offering helpful advice is one thing, but making a mother feel like a failure, that she's doing everything wrong, is a whole other story. So before you make a comment to another mother, try saying it to yourself first. Did you feel offended by it? If yes, then please do us all a favor and keep it to yourself. 

 

So a small tip to responding to those mothers who comment negatively, I simply just agree to it. Off course, this is in the case that my child did not hear what was said. Its really not worth wasting your energy trying to come up with a constructive answer to unconstructive criticism. Now, for example, if a mother comments on your child's looks, agree by saying, "oh yes, I'm so much prettier" and move on. This ends the conversation right there, leaving the other party feeling how useless their comment was to make. The intent behind negativity is always to stir up a negative feeling or reaction in return. Don't give anyone this satisfaction and just brush it off as if it was never said; as it shouldn't have been in the first place. However, if said in front of your child, quickly compliment your child in return. Our focus shouldn't be on the mother commenting, it should be directed towards our children first. Assure your child by saying something like, "I have the most beautiful little girl right in the world," something to reassure your child that what has been said wasn't of truth.

 

In order to help our children, it will only be done by helping ourselves first. We need to be very cautious of our words and actions towards others, as children are very smart, picking up every little thing that we do. We need to be very careful of what we indirectly teach our children to do and who we teach them to be. Lets be active in putting a stop to this very serious matter. Lets hold our little ones hands and guide them into a bright and better future. To raise a generation of love and kindness; we have to start with ourselves first. Educate your children by showing them the statistics and consequences of bullying.  We need to be a generation of mothers who bring awareness to these issues that our children are facing everyday at school or at soccer practice. To teach our children to put a stop to any mistreatment they come across, directed towards them or someone they know. Hand in hand, lets change the world one small step at a time. 

 

 

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