My inspiration for this post is Sam Smiths new single, 'Too Good at Goodbyes'. If you haven't heard it yet, where have you been? Go listen to it below. This song really touched my heart. The realness of the lyrics made me want to share my thoughts as to what drives a person to be "Too Good At Goodbyes".
Off course, it all starts with love. It either increases, decreases, or is put on pause. Imagine love as a meter, the reading either goes up or down or is put on idle as a stable beep. A point where it freezes, waiting for something or on something to change, or is just unsure, unable to get a clear love signal. Once that love starts decreasing its documented in the heart, mind, body and soul as a decreasing emotion towards that specific subject of attraction.
Decreasing emotion is often triggered by a sequence of events or happens suddenly when the subject we direct our emotions towards hurts us; or fails to meet expectations. It is often a conscious choice one makes out of fear of getting hurt. You’ve probably been hurt before and know what hurt from love feels like. We’ve all experience hurt for the very first time once we invest our love and being into someone, and gets abused. Repeatedly, unconsciously, after a lot of hurt, grief and manic, your soul conditions your mind, body to never allow your heart to feel that self destructing emotion ever again.
Therefore, the next person you invest your love in will get a smaller share of that love than you could have invested with before the hurt. You begin to ask yourself, am I incapable of full, true and honest love now? Has the person who hurt me taken away my right to love without fear of loss?
Fear is an emotion we often get when we have something extremely valuable to lose, something we don’t have a lot of, something that is unknown to us or something we don’t want to admit. All these rules also apply to the fear of love. The fear of feeling something for someone, something intangible you can’t just take back. Something you can easily lose control of and is so hard to get back. What happens to you when that person isn't careful with your most valuable possession, your heart?
In reality, once you give love it’s not yours anymore. It’s a risk you take and just need to trust the person you give it to wont break you. It’s giving a part of you away; exposing your vulnerability. That’s why it’s so scary to so many people. We've all heard people say that its better to ‘just not care’. When in reality, that doesn't fix anything, nor does it make you a happier person. Quite the contrary, you need love to be happy. In order to feel love we must give it away, we have to take the risk. We all need to love and be loved, and that the only formula to the equation.
Love is then a risk you take. Risk is a big word that often means many other words. A risk is a challenge, a leap of faith, trial and error, loss and gain. It’s the leap into the unknown, an adventure not everyone is willing to take; out of fear of losing, of failure & of getting hurt. But isn't that the beauty of love? It’s intangible, the same reason love is so scary, is exactly why it’s so beautiful. Love can't be bought, traded or sold, thats why its so special and we tend to take very good care of it. Causing you to begin being more cautious, and less naive about love. We leave this space between us & those we want to love, just incase they decide to hurt us. As Sam Smith so perfectly sang...
"I'm never gonna let you close to me
Even though you mean the most to me
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts
So I'm never gonna get too close to you
Even when I mean the most to you
In case you go and leave me in the dirt"
After several heartbreaks you learn to protect yourself first, leaving this distance before loving others. The less were invested, the less we're bound to get hurt. Its sad but its true, its makes us way 'too good at goodbyes.'
Love and be loved with caution; without losing yourself in the process.