As mothers, we communicate daily to so many people, whether its to our partner, children, parents or friends; we tend to spend a large portion of our day communicating in some form or another. Most probable than not, its mainly to help others. Asking what your husband wants to eat for dinner tonight, checking up on your mother's doctor visit & soothing your child throughout the day. We then often feel neglected, as our feelings are rarely communicated to others. We are always on demand, always the givers than the takers in life; now its time for you.
Remember, if your emotional needs aren't being met, theres a cap on how much you can continue to give to others. You need to fuel in order to continue your drive. Don't feel guilty to give yourself sometime, you deserve it & it will later serve those around you. Happy mom equals a happy family.
So lets say you want to communicate something that has bothered you from your partner or spouse and do it effectively. First step is to acknowledge the exact negative feeling that has been transferred to you. Whether its jealousy, helplessness, insecurity... etc. Once you've identified what it is exactly that you are feeling, you can begin to form your word choice for communication.
So heres the trick, when you want to address someone who has wronged you, start your sentence by saying “I felt” instead of "You did". So you'd sound something like this “I felt useless and betrayed when you …” Starting with “I felt” on its own shows you have owned up to your own feelings. As opposed to “You did… and made me feel…” this turns into blame. Which automatically puts the person you're communicating to in defense mode.
When you have held yourself accountable and notice your negative patterns, you have now taken control of your vehicle. When someone has wronged you, how you feel about their fault needs to be released as soon as possible. Holding it in, only makes it worse. Pilling up negative emotions is like a ticking bomb, it will eventually explode. Once is has exploded, you will have no recollection of exactly why you're upset anymore, leaving you and those around you very confused.
Say you’re out for breakfast with a friend and they unintentionally say something that quietly hurts your feelings, let it out that same day! At home later that day identify the exact feeling transferred to you & get it out of your negative box. As you have experienced this transfer of feeling physically (by being present), verbally (by it being communicated to you) & emotionally (the feeling transferred) you will need all three to release that negativity from within you.
The release comes in three forms, physical, verbal and emotional. One release form alone won’t release you as the hurt has been sensed by all three factors. Why you might ask, well let me take you on a trip down memory-lane, how many times have you cried over a hurtful situation that still till today bears heavily on your heart? Screamed and shouted at someone and felt even worse after? Verbally communicated your sadness in anger that resulted in you losing your right? This is exactly why your release has to be done in all three forms, without anyone else involved, or anyone cornered into your blame.
You simply, let it out in all three forms when you’re completely alone. Talk your feelings out into the air; cry, laugh or scream it out. Write it down, beat a pillow... any safe form of release that you feel comfortable with. This will get all that negative energy out into the universe & out of your system.
Thinking you will feel stupid doing it? Think of how stupid you’ve felt after you’ve blamed or burst those negative feelings out at someone else… Still think this is stupid? Yeah i didn't think so. You have now transferred all the negative energy out of your body and there is space for positive energy to flow back in. Most importantly, that person you were angry towards is now on your positive side as what was meant to be directed towards them is released. Welcome to happier and healthy relationships with others and most importantly, with yourself.
Let your sun set everyday with a clean slate.
May motherhood be the vessel to drive our family's forward.