If theres anything i've learnt about deliveries, its that they definitely don't go as planned! After a long anticipated wait... a few jalapeno's and a glass of castor oil later, at 42 weeks I was finally in labor! I was admitted to my hospital room, put in my little (oh so uncomfortable) hospital gown all ready for the day i've been longing for, my son's birthday.
9am on August 12, I was admitted to the hospital. Even though I didn't catch my parents birthdays the week prior, i was also born on the 12th (of February) still this really excited me. That's beautiful, me and my son sharing the same day.
There i lay in bed with timed screams every 2-3 minutes for what seemed like forever. My dad rushing out of the room with every scream. Just like any fun labor day, I spent the whole day with contractions coming in and out.
I was on several occasions given the option of taking an epidural, but kept putting it off. Despite the immense pain i was going through, something told me it was better if i waited; and so i did... not like it would have made a difference eitherway, but lets not skip ahead...
As the clocked ticked, my "it's the 12th" excitement slowly started to fade away. It got closer & closer to the next day until before i know it, it was 12am the morning of the 13th. I was checked at 4cm dilation, next to no improvement since i got admitted. It was very disappointing.
I decided to get an epidural at this point, my body was aching. I got the epidural hooked up, got back to my room with the weirdest realization. The epidural was only partially working! I could feel & move the entire left-side of my body while my right-side was completely numb...what on earth was happening to me?!
I quickly buzzed the nurse and she upped my dosage several times. What happened next was astonishing... the right-side of my body started to wear off...can i panic now?
I could feel my entire body as if i had no epidural put in at all. The nurses came in one by one attempting to fix the problem with no success. It didn't help my 'try to keep calm its alright' self talk when i was told that this was "the first time we'd experienced this with a patient here..."
All i was thinking was 'so you're telling me i'm delivering with no anesthetic?' The answer was yes, yes i was.
A contraction-full, no anesthetic, loud screams & daddy sprints of a day later, it felt like deja-vu. Was i really on to my second day at the hospital?
I woke up the morning of the 14th and everything was different. The nurses weren't as jolly & doctors weren't as calm. This was when i knew i've been in labor for too long. You can cut the tensity in the room with a knife. My doctor showed up and i knew it wasn't good.
Knowing i REALLY wanted a natural birth, i knew he was there to give me the news i didn't wanna hear. I needed to go in for a Csection. These words fell on me like a ton of bricks. If i had a rewind button to take me back before i ever got pregnant, i would have pressed it right then and there. In a heartbeat, no second thoughts, no regrets.
I was beyond TERRIFIED. Mind you, i've never had a surgical operation before & i suffer from a serious case of trypanophobia. Blood & needles? Yeah not my thing. You feel me now?
This was my worst nightmare. I balled my eyes out as they wheeled me through the hospital corridors. My eyes scanned the ceiling as they were taking me down to get another dose of epidural, yes the same one that hasn't been working on my body the past 48 hours!
My mind went blank as i stared at the blinding florescent light on the celling as they have me the largest needle tube of epidural i have ever seen. I could feel the freezing liquid run down my back making its way through my entire body. I lay there reciting all the prayers i have memorized. God, i'm helpless & need you with me right now, i kept whispering to myself over & over...
As i waited, i could hear a women give birth in the operation room next to me. I don't think any words can describe the horror. I could have sworn this was an exorcism. In my entire life did i ever hear such horrific voices. This was when i knew, i just knew that natural birth wasn't for me. I was meant to get a Csection, God had a different plan for me. It was a sign.
Thats when a random anesthesiologist came in, as i looked at him, i saw horror on his face.
"Are you the one going into a Csection right now?!" he said in shock
"Yes, i am" i hesitantly replied.
"How can you be moving your legs like that? Do you know you're going into surgery right now?!" before he quickly ran off...
In the distance i could hear him panically tell my doctor that there was no way i was going to be getting into the operation room. I needed a general anesthesia immediately.
I heard these words that felt like bullets shooting across the hall. I quickly found myself as loud as i can ask my doctor for any other option, "I want to see my baby" i begged. My only other option he said was a spinal, which i said i'd go for without hesitation. Anything, anything to get the chance to see my baby boy being delivered. This was the moment i was waiting for, i couldn't imagine it being taken away from me.
They took out my epidural & in with the spinal. The anesthesiologist explained that the spinal had a thicker needle that needed to be inserted and i willingly gave him my arm to insert the needle into. Despite my trypanophobia I was SO ready to get this baby out of me.
"Good night", the anesthesiologist said with a warm smile on his face as he pushed the spinal anesthesia into my arm.
My husband attended our son's delivery with me, the look on his face while they got our baby out of me was priceless. Its the first thing i remember seeing. I will forever remember this beautiful moment in time. These are the rare moments in life where you wish you could just freeze time.
The second i saw my son, i was showered with an overwhelming feeling that no words in the dictionary can serve right. My heart could burst from the amount of love i felt for this little human. As soon as i saw him i instantly wanted more of him. I wanted to share this love with the world. At this moment i was sure if this amount of love (the love of a mother for her child) was spread, we would have no more hurt or sorrows. Unconditional love really cures the weakest of hearts. It could cure the world.
Just like that, we welcomed baby Noah into the world.
May motherhood be the vessel to drive our families forward.